There's a momentary fumble where he has to figure out what to do, since in order to do as he's told he needs to move the pendant from his good hand, and he's still in no place to be disobeying. He works it out, though, shifting it to his other hand because he can't quite bring himself to put it down.
He presses his hand against the cloth, applying as much pressure as he can stand... and perhaps a little more, punishing himself with the sting of it, trying to make that wretched feeling go away. It doesn't work.
You don't belong to him anymore
Is that true? Will that ever be true? Yifu certainly seemed to think it was a risk, didn't he? Bonds and chips and necklaces... stupid, really, when some part of Xie's soul has belonged to him for years now, given over willingly. He wanted to belong to Yifu, but not like a possession or a pet, wanted them to belong to each other...
No. Not some part of his soul. His heart.
Had Yifu even wanted that? Had he even cared? Or did he just want to possess Xie's power, had he just played along for the sake of keeping him close?
It's not like it's the first time he's thought like that; doubted Yifu's love even while scrambling to keep it. It's even harder now, when he isn't there to reassure him, to laugh and call him foolish for doubting, or give him that sad look and ask how his Xie-er can be so ungrateful, after everything he's done...
"You don't understand." He says eventually, quietly "He gave me everything... I was... I was nothing, before him."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-10-22 10:40 am (UTC)There's a momentary fumble where he has to figure out what to do, since in order to do as he's told he needs to move the pendant from his good hand, and he's still in no place to be disobeying. He works it out, though, shifting it to his other hand because he can't quite bring himself to put it down.
He presses his hand against the cloth, applying as much pressure as he can stand... and perhaps a little more, punishing himself with the sting of it, trying to make that wretched feeling go away. It doesn't work.
You don't belong to him anymore
Is that true? Will that ever be true? Yifu certainly seemed to think it was a risk, didn't he? Bonds and chips and necklaces... stupid, really, when some part of Xie's soul has belonged to him for years now, given over willingly. He wanted to belong to Yifu, but not like a possession or a pet, wanted them to belong to each other...
No. Not some part of his soul. His heart.
Had Yifu even wanted that? Had he even cared? Or did he just want to possess Xie's power, had he just played along for the sake of keeping him close?
It's not like it's the first time he's thought like that; doubted Yifu's love even while scrambling to keep it. It's even harder now, when he isn't there to reassure him, to laugh and call him foolish for doubting, or give him that sad look and ask how his Xie-er can be so ungrateful, after everything he's done...
"You don't understand." He says eventually, quietly "He gave me everything... I was... I was nothing, before him."