I want you. I want you brushing my hair and cooking me dinner. I want to watch Queer Eye and play chess and snipe at each other with insults we don't mean. I want to hate sitting through a stupid football match but doing it anyway because it makes you happy. I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with me
It hits him with a force that's almost solid. He doesn't even know if he means it romantically or not, he doesn't think that even matters, but the thought comes to him unbidden and with it comes an ache that is honestly familiar, but that he's previously only associated with his need for the tiniest scrap of genuine affection from Yifu, for his attention and praise and approval.
Maybe that's what the bond does. Makes him imprint like some fucking duckling. Except it doesn't, and he knows it doesn't, he knows enough about bonds and Familiars and how it all works to know that this is just him. Maybe it's because of losing his parents and being alone for so many years, maybe it's because he spent a little too long without a bond and he really did go a bit mad, but all he really wants is to connect with someone, to belong with someone.
He should probably just be glad that at least he wants something slightly healthier, now, even if he once again wants something he can't have.
Because Kevin pushed back about the cat part, but he didn't deny that he didn't want Xie.
It's a long, long moment before he finally answers, before he can trust himself to not let the truth come spilling out the moment he opens his mouth.
"I want to be bonded to someone who actually wants me. Not because I'm powerful, not because it's the right thing to do and they're stuck with it, but because they actually want a bond with me." He says tiredly. It is closer to the truth than he'd like, but he knows Kevin isn't going to stop pushing if he tries to sidestep it entirely
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-10-26 12:21 pm (UTC)I want you. I want you brushing my hair and cooking me dinner. I want to watch Queer Eye and play chess and snipe at each other with insults we don't mean. I want to hate sitting through a stupid football match but doing it anyway because it makes you happy. I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with me
It hits him with a force that's almost solid. He doesn't even know if he means it romantically or not, he doesn't think that even matters, but the thought comes to him unbidden and with it comes an ache that is honestly familiar, but that he's previously only associated with his need for the tiniest scrap of genuine affection from Yifu, for his attention and praise and approval.
Maybe that's what the bond does. Makes him imprint like some fucking duckling. Except it doesn't, and he knows it doesn't, he knows enough about bonds and Familiars and how it all works to know that this is just him. Maybe it's because of losing his parents and being alone for so many years, maybe it's because he spent a little too long without a bond and he really did go a bit mad, but all he really wants is to connect with someone, to belong with someone.
He should probably just be glad that at least he wants something slightly healthier, now, even if he once again wants something he can't have.
Because Kevin pushed back about the cat part, but he didn't deny that he didn't want Xie.
It's a long, long moment before he finally answers, before he can trust himself to not let the truth come spilling out the moment he opens his mouth.
"I want to be bonded to someone who actually wants me. Not because I'm powerful, not because it's the right thing to do and they're stuck with it, but because they actually want a bond with me." He says tiredly. It is closer to the truth than he'd like, but he knows Kevin isn't going to stop pushing if he tries to sidestep it entirely