Some secrets are better kept (Dick and Crane)

[justlikeacircus]

Things with Jonathan have been going really well, Dick can't quite believe his luck. There's a certain amount of balance to the world, of course, since Gotham is still being plagued by the mysterious Scarecrow and Nightwing is being run a little ragged trying to keep up with him, but at least after late nights and injuries and near-misses he always gets the chance to spend some time with Jonathan and that somehow makes it all better.

It doesn't hurt that, so far, he has managed to avoid the Scarecrow interrupting any of their dates, because at this point that would be unforgiveable.

Tonight there doesn't seem to be anything afoot, so he's decided to take a break from patrolling so he can actually spend a night in with his boyfriend for once; he shows up at Jonathan's door with takeout and DVDs... and then realises that he probably should have called ahead to check that Crane was actually free. Too late now, all he can do is knock and hope for the best.

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[doctor_terror]

Crane's down in his lab, working on his toxin, in preparation for yet another plan. This time he's thinking that if the Bat and Nightwing insist on getting in his way some more, then he'll just have to dose them with too, see them try to stop him while they're terrified out of their minds. This time he'd been working on making it into a powder form.

He's writing down some notes when the proximity alarm for the porch goes off. Turning to the screen showing the camera feed, he spies Dick, which makes him panic for a moment. He hadn't expected Dick tonight, and they'd made no plans, meaning that the other man had wanted to surprise him.

Quickly, he put the flasks and tubes of the powered toxin into the safety container. They could wait until morning. Leaving everything where it was, Crane exited the lab, coming out through the hidden wall in his library. However, the bookshelf was left open just a crack, and he neglected to lock it. The locking mechanism was a crow statue sitting on a pedestal. Locking the door required that the crow's head face forward, while unlocking the passage required turning the statue's head backwards. The statue's head was currently facing backwards.

Making it to the door, Jonathan opened it up and smiled at Dick. "Well, this is a lovely surprise."

[justlikeacircus]

Dick's returning grin was a little relieved, it had taken Jonathan a little longer than he expected to answer the door and he'd been beginning to worry that the man wasn't in.

"I have takeout and movies, I hope you haven't already eaten?" in many ways he really didn't think this one through, but honestly he doesn't care even if Jonathan has eaten, this is more about actually getting to spend some time with him than anything he's brought, he just felt like it would be impolite to show up empty handed.

"If you're not busy I thought we could have a night in?" and yes, okay, his eyes are maybe a little pleading, because he'd really like to spend a night with his boyfriend not thinking about patrols or villains or college work for once.

[doctor_terror]

"That sounds lovely, actually," Jonathan stood aside to allow Dick to come in. "I've actually not eaten yet. I started writing a new paper and lost track of time." It was true that sometimes he got so absorbed in his work that he neglected to eat. Probably one of the reasons he was so skinny, along with a rather high metabolism.

After a couple of nights being chased around the city by men in costumes, a night in with Dick actually sounded quite nice. He'd been working hard, he deserved a night in.

"You can just set everything down on the coffee table," Jonathan went to his kitchen to get some plates and eating utensils.

[justlikeacircus]

"Then it's a good job I brought food," Dick replied cheerfully, and he was actually quite pleased about that - Jonathan didn't get nearly enough to eat, he was always so wrapped up in his work, it was good to actually make sure he was getting a proper meal for once.

He stepped inside, pausing to lean over and give Jonathan a quick kiss as he passed, and headed to put the food on the coffee table. Once he'd put everything down he decided to go to the bathroom to wash his hands - and that's when he noticed the crow's head sitting backwards. Confused and a little curious in case the statue was somehow broken, he wandered over to inspect it, which in turn drew his attention to the slightly open bookshelf, and, well, how could he resist?

He wasn't sure what he expected to find when he stepped through the hidden doorway, but the lab beyond wasn't it.

[doctor_terror]

Within the hidden room was the safely stored chemicals, along with a computer and notebook that had all of Crane's notes on his toxin. More importantly, turning on the other light switch would reveal a mannequin behind a glass wall, that was currently adorned in the Scarecrow outfit.

Jonathan returned to the living room with the plates and silverware, seeing that Dick still hadn't come back from the bathroom. He hadn't heard the other man slip and fall in there, or anything that would indicate he'd hurt himself.

"Dick, are you okay?" He went towards the bathroom, and noticed the bookshelf ajar. Panic rushed through him as he saw Dick's silhouette within the room.

[justlikeacircus]

Dick really wanted to think there was a reasonable explanation for the hidden lab, that maybe he was just working on something private or the whole bookshelf door thing was just for fun, but something in his gut tells him that just isn't the case. Dimly, he hears Jonathan calling out behind him, but he's too busy taking in the sight. He reaches out to flip the light switch so he can get a better look and his blood runs cold.

Scarecrow.

The man he's been dating for weeks, the man he can't wait to spend his time with... he's the same man he's been spending most of his evenings fighting lately?

He stumbles back from the suit, mind racing. Does Jonathan know about him? Is this all part of some elaborate scheme to get close to him? Is this about getting to Bruce? But at the same time.. he can't ask, he knows he can't, because if it isn't he can't risk revealing himself. Worst of all, he just isn't sure he wants to know, because if this relationship is all a lie he isn't sure he could take it.

[doctor_terror]

Crane approaches the entrance to his lab, freezing again as the lights go up and his costume is revealed. This wasn't supposed to happen. Dick was never meant to find out. A million thoughts cross his mind, all of them involving Dick running away from him or calling the police.

He has to smooth this over somehow. "Dick, please, I can explain."

[justlikeacircus]

"Explain?" he whips round to look at Jonathan with wide eyes, searching his expression for even the tiniest hint that might let him know the depth of this, how much Jonathan knows, what exactly is happening here. He has too many questions and he has no idea how to get answers to most of them.

"What.... what could you say that explains this?" he's almost begging. He wants there to be an explanation, badly.

[doctor_terror]

Crane looks at the costume, then back at Dick. He can't pass this off as a Halloween prank, not with all the chemicals and notes he has laying around. All of this points to one thing.

"Okay, yes, it's true," He sighs. "I'm the Scarecrow. But, believe me, Dick, I would never hurt you. Never in a million years would I hurt you."

[justlikeacircus]

You already have. He wants to say it but at the same time he knows, utterly, that he cannot give anything away until Crane does. It's not like the Scarecrow has done a lot of damage, but they've had a few fights and they've both got some blows in. Both got some blows in the other way as well, which is really not a thought he should be having right now.

"Why? Tell me why you're doing this." maybe if he could understand it wouldn't feel like so much of a betrayal, because for all Dick knows now that Crane is his enemy, he's desperate for any kind of excuse for them to stay together. Ironically, it's taking this moment for him to realise just how deeply he's fallen for Jonathan.

[doctor_terror]

Crane sighed. "Truthfully, it started out as a way to get revenge on those who bullied me by scaring them. First, it was a girl and her boyfriend who tormented me in high school, then it was a colleague who mocked me for the way I dress and reading so much. Then I just... got a taste for it. I liked scaring people."

He knows that his past doesn't make up for what he's done, and what he's doing is wrong. But he really has come to like being the Scarecrow. Even if Nightwing keeps foiling his plans.

[justlikeacircus]

Dick stays silent for a long moment, taking it in. He can sort of understand wanting to get revenge on the people who hurt you, it was the exact thing he had to be talked out of doing when he was younger - if he'd given into his desire to hurt the people who had taken his parents away from him, would he have ended up just as much of a villain? Was this the kind of slippery slope that they had warned him about stepping on?

"Do.. do you think you could stop?" he asks eventually, reluctantly, because he honestly doesn't know what the answer will be, isn't even sure he actually wants to know, but it's a way of putting off his own reaction almost. He has to make a decision, and he knows what the right decision is...but he doesn't want to make it.

[doctor_terror]

Jonathan sighed. "I'm not sure if I can." He glances at the outfit, then back at Dick. "I've... thought about putting it away, sometimes. The heady feeling I get when I put on that costume, it's like a drug."

[justlikeacircus]

"But you're hurting people..." Dick appeals almost desperately. He wants to still be with Jonathan but he also knows how much of a bad idea that is... he has to fight him, regardless of how he feels about Jonathan he can't let Scarecrow wreak his havoc without trying to stop him, and if one day he's stopped? If one day he's taken into custody and thrown into Arkham? What then?

The only reason he can forgive himself for not taking him out right now is because it'll compromise his own identity.

[doctor_terror]

"You think I don't know that?" He can see that desperation in Dick's eyes. No doubt his mind is reeling with the revelation that he's been seeing the scary man from the news, who's been terrorizing Gotham City.

"I'm sick, Dick. I know that." His voice is soft, with a hint of regret.

[justlikeacircus]

"So.. so we get you help... therapy or something. There's got to be a better way to work through this..." impulsively, he crosses the room, reaching out to curl a hand around Jonathan's cheek, meeting his gaze with pleading eyes.

"Please, Jonathan... you have to stop doing this...."

[doctor_terror]

Jonathan frowned, "You mean put me away in Arkham Asylum? Or some other bedlam house that utterly fails in what it's meant to do?" Sure, there were cases of Arkham actually helping people, but for the most part, the residents were more like inmates than patients.

[justlikeacircus]

Okay when he put it like that it sounded like a terrible idea.

"Not somewhere like that... but we could find someone, a good doctor... someone who can help..." if he needs to throw money at the problem, he will - he just doesn't want to say that out loud because he hates being that kind of rich person.

[doctor_terror]

"And what if they cannot help? What if nobody can help me?" Part of him would like to stop, but another part of him isn't sure he can. He's been the Scarecrow for years, and he's liked being the Scarecrow.

[justlikeacircus]

"I...I don't know..."

Just as Dick didn't know what he'd do if Jonathan didn't want help. He knew what he was supposed to do, but he didn't know if he could bring himself to do it.

"I don't know, I just... I love you and-"

He cuts himself off, barely realising the words were leaving his mouth until they had. He'd never said that before, but as painful as it was in this moment, he knew it was true.

[doctor_terror]

"I know," Crane whispers. "I love you too."

He's an addict, and he knows it. An addict for fear, and causing it. Part of him doesn't want to get help, and would rather just go on being the Scarecrow. Yet, the idea of just giving it all up and having a life with Dick...

"Perhaps it was foolish to think that I could have both you and this secret life of mine."

[justlikeacircus]

Dick closes his eyes, as though he could wish himself away to another world where he hadn't just heard those words. I love you too.

It should make him unbelievably happy, but instead it just breaks his heart even more.

The worst part, the absolute worst part, is that he'd almost expected to be the one left unable to choose between the man he loved and the life he lived at night.

"I don't want to have to make you choose..." because he was so scared that Crane wouldn't pick him.