Oh, oh, oh it's magic (Xie and Kevin)

[xie_er]

Zhao Jing used to be a nobody, born into influence and wealth but always in the shadow of those around him. In magical circles he was even worse, a barely-remembered witch that didn't have enough power for any familiar to even consider looking twice at him.

Somehow, though, after many years (and a few suspicious deaths), he's managed to climb his way to the CEO of Five Lakes, his power - of both kinds - growing exponentially.

The previous CEO was surrounded by some unfortunate rumorus before his death, so Zhao Jing has been focused on repairing the reputation of he company and solidifying his support, mundane and magical, which means it is far too delicate a moment for Xie to be in the spotlight, even if he was promised he'd be allowed to stop hiding when the position was in Zhao Jing's hands.

He just has to wait a little longer, that's all, and it's not like it's difficult to only appear in his animal form whenever Zhao Jing is in public, just uncomfortable, and the last thing they need is for somebody to recognise Xie for any of the things he's done to help his witch get where he is today, when his position is still so precarious...

He tells himself all the excuses he's heard from Yifu, repeats them in his head like a mantra as he sits through all the meetings and negotiations, a little black cat and Zhao Jing's feet, watching the men and women he's speaking to for anything Yifu can use. He hangs around when Zhao Jing steps out the room, listens to what they say behind his back - that's his job with normal people, to be a pair of ears they don't realise are there. Even paranoid types who scan for bugs would miss him, which he finds funny, privately, because he is a bug of a sort.

Not that he's allowed to take his original animal form - a scorpion would be out of place if anybody caught sight of him, and Yifu doesn't like the idea of him hiding in pockets or anything like that. He says it's dangerous, that something could happen to him, but Xie privately thinks he just finds the form creepy. Even around other magical people, the cat is preferred - his job with them is to be a reminder that Zhao Jing has a familiar, and a relatively powerful one at that.

It's hard for familiars to change the form they can take, but he did it, for Yifu.

He tells people the cat is called Scorpion, and that somebody else named him - which is technically true, Xie does mean scorpion, and his parents named him - and that he's vaguely embarrassed to have such a fiercely named cat.

(He doesn't tell magical people anything at all, they know Xie isn't a pet so they're less likely to ask, at most they will wonder why his familiar always stays in animal form. Zhao Jing just tells them he's shy. He isn't, he doesn't care about people seeing him, but it's easier to do the things Yifu wants him to do when nobody knows what he looks like)

Xie hadn't always known he was powerful - when Yifu had taken him in he'd been told he wasn't much, but that maybe he could be useful. Later, when some witch had made an offhand comment about it, the story had become that Yifu recognised his power and took him in before anybody else could steal him away, that he just wanted to protect Xie from the people who would use him for his power. Xie was already so far gone by that point that he accepted it, that he told himself he was lucky he had Yifu to protect him, to guide him.

It's funny how easy it is to lie to yourself.

When the meetings are over for the day he finally shifts back to human form, spending a few minutes stretching out the kinks that come from forcing himself into a form that isn't quite his, especially with how much he's had to do it over the last few weeks, and then going in search of something to eat. He could probably just head back to his own apartment since he doesn't think Yifu needs anything else from him, not today, but the outsiders have all left and everybody in Yifu's manor at least knows Xie, even if they don't know that Xie and Scorpion are one and the same, so it's safe to be around them.

He likes to spend as much time here as he can get away with, likes to remind Yifu he can be useful in other ways... and maybe he likes to keep an eye on this new apprentice Yifu has taken on. He doesn't understand why he needs anybody else when he has Xie, but the last time he'd questioned somebody new in the house Yifu hadn't spoken to him for a week, so he doesn't voice that thought out loud - he just watches the guy suspiciously every chance he gets, and wonders how easy he would be to get rid of.

He's halfway to the kitchen when something makes him stop. A tug of power, the vague echo of chanting, there's a ritual happening and something about it is drawing him close. He frowns, confused, and follows the pull...

Comments

[weird_cop]

"Thanks."

Kevin takes that box, and sits with it on the floor before opening it and peering in.

The documents and certificates are interesting, the teddy bear just tells him he grew up supporting Chelsea. The photos - well, he can recognise his own face.

But there's nothing. No connection, no emotion. Not even when he's staring at a weirdly coloured old wedding photo of a couple who both look so much like him they have to be his parents. Not even the birthday cards - one from 'nana,' one from both parents, one from just his dad - all at different ages. If he was being logical, he'd think maybe they were the last card each of them gave him.

He must have kept these things because they meant something, but now they mean nothing. The man in these photos is a stranger that looks like him.

It opens out in front of him suddenly - the distance he's been feeling between himself and this 'Kevin,' the man everyone sees when they look at him. He'd been relying on that distance as a sort of protection, thinking that this whole thing is just something that happened to a different person that he can help recover. He had hoped, that maybe he'd get information here that would help him solve the mystery of who this man was. He's been treating him, he realises, like a victim he can help.

But now he sees this gulf between him and the man in these photos, the man who loved these people, and it feels insurmountable. He's a trespasser in someone else's life, and there is no one left for whom this stuff has meaning.

He's been staring at the stuff for too long. Now he throws the photo in his hands back in the box and shoves the whole thing away from himself violently, with a wordless cry of frustration.

[xie_er]

Xie just stands back while he sorts through it, giving him at least the illusion of privacy. He pokes through some of the books again instead, then moves on to looking at the London stuff to see if any of it means anything to him.

It doesn't.

Well, that's not strictly true, there's at least things he can recognise, things that he knows are magical even without the Sight, but nothing that will be useful to them in the situation they have right now.

At the back of his mind, he can feel the emotion creeping in, he isn't sure how to name it, really, but it's not a happy feeling. He's beginning to regret showing him the box, now.

He moves over when Kevin shoves the box away, hesitating for just a moment before dropping down to sit across from him.

"I'm sorry." He starts. Only then he isn't sure what else to say.

[weird_cop]

"I don't know this person," Kevin says out loud, and slumps forward, burying his head in his hands.

"I thought I could find out more by looking at this stuff, figure out who I am. But the more I look at this stuff the more it's like - I don't feel anything. I'm not sad for these people."

He gestures briefly at the box in front of him and also at the box that had Joe's stuff.

"No, I am sad, but only like - oh, it's sad that they're gone. But someone should remember them. Someone should be mourning them. But I can't. I don't know them."

As it is he feels guilty for spilling it all out on Xie, who must also be missing the same person. But the words just start spilling out.

[xie_er]

Xie listens quietly, nodding his understanding.

"I think... the expectation of memory loss is that things might... trigger them coming back. But that only works if the memories are there, within reach, but yours aren't." He says softly "And who you are, what people mean to you, how you feel about people... that's all tied up in those memories, our experiences shape us, and you're still you, your personality is still what it is, it's just... untethered from all the things that shaped it, so you don't even know how you came to be the person you are. These things... they might give you some clues, they can tell you that you had this family that loved you, that you had somebody you lost, but those are just facts without meaning when you don't remember any of it. I didn't know if it would help or not, I'm sorry that it hasn't."

He reaches out, offering his hand.

"It's okay that you don't know any of this. We'll find your memories, we will"

[weird_cop]

"I don't know how I can still be me, if I don't know who that is. The others... they want me to be the one who knows things. They keep starting to look at me, like they're expecting me to say something but I don't know what to say."

He reaches for Xie's hand and grabs like he's falling from a cliff and been offered help.

"So far you're the only person who hasn't acted like you expect anything from me."

[xie_er]

Xie squeezes his hand reassuringly.

After everything Kevin has done for him, the least he can do is support him without expectation while he's going through this - but he doesn't say that, doesn't want to attribute this kindness to a person Kevin doesn't remember being.

"You can still be you by just being you. Dealing with the situation in front of you in the way that makes the most sense. That's all anybody can ask of you." He says simply. He knows it isn't that easy, but it's the best he can think of to say. "The others are just used to doing things a certain way, and that way includes you."

He doesn't sound like he's excusing them, as such, his tone doesn't make it sound like that's a good or understandable thing. He's growing to like them, all of them - but he's on Kevin's side before anybody else's

[weird_cop]

Kevin sits like that for a second more, still bent over, head down, hand in Xie's, before he shakes himself out of it and goes to stand.

"Okay, let's get this stuff in the car."

[xie_er]

"Okay" Xie agrees, pushing himself to his feet as well and moving to help him gather the things he wants to bring.

He really has no idea if he's being helpful at all in this situation, but it does reassure him a little to hear Kevin say that he doesn't feel any pressure or expectation from Xie - at least he's doing something right.

[weird_cop]

It's just the London stuff. None of the sentimental things, nothing that Kevin doesn't pick out as being somehow important. Although just as he is about to leave he flicks through the Conan Doyle tome, looking at his annotations.

"Do you have any idea why I tried to list all the murders that were solved by Sherlock Holmes?" he asks, then adding as he sees a specific note: "Except those not in London?"

[xie_er]

It takes Xie a second, frowning thoughtfully, but a memory surfaces, vaguely.

"Something to do with an old case, I think," he says, trying to recall the details "it was a serial killer? I don't know a lot of the details but I remember being told about it."

[weird_cop]

"A Sherlock Holmes copy cat serial killer. Great."

Kevin leaves that and the Gaiman books and they pack up the car with the rest of it. On the way back, Kevin doesn't say much, as he's focusing on driving unfamiliar roads, and trying to figure out his plan for attack on the books and objects he now has.

If he's supposed to be the one who knows this stuff, he supposes he's just going to have to put the knowledge back in his head.

Which is why, when they get back, he ensconces himself on an armchair, surrounded by the boxes, and opens one of his notebooks, determined to go through them methodically.

[xie_er]

"That does seem to be the kind of thing you all deal with" Xie confirms with a slightly amused expression.

Xie is content to let the silence be as they make their way back, and when Kevin settles in for the long haul Xie brings him a cup of tea and glances around at the books.

"Do you want help or do you want me to leave you to it?"

[weird_cop]

"I don't know what you can help with," Kevin admits, cupping the tea in one hand as he takes a grateful sip. "I think I just need to concentrate on my own learning. I'd say you can keep me company, but don't feel like you have to, but I don't know how much company I'd be."

Someone trying to talk to him might be distracting, and he just needs to work things out.

[xie_er]

Xie nods in understanding.

"I'll keep you supplied with tea and remind you when you need to eat." He says with a soft smile "I'll be upstairs if you need me"

A jamming session might be just the thing to clear his head, so he's happy to leave Kevin to it and go up to their room and his guitar.

[weird_cop]

"Thank you," Kevin says genuinely. That turns out to be just what he needs: someone to keep bringing tea and, later in the evening, to tell him that he needs to stop and make dinner.

Dinner is simple, in equal parts because Kevin doesn't know what he knows and doesn't trust himself to do anything complicated, and because he doesn't want to be away from his work for long. As it is he brings something to read into the kitchen for while it's cooking, and then to the dinner table, to read and eat as well.

[xie_er]

Simple is fine, as is a quiet meal while he continues to read - Xie still thanks him for it when they're done, tells him he'll do the washing up so Kevin can get back to his reading.

He goes back to his guitar, afterwards, but continues to check in and refill his tea cup, and keep an eye on the time to make sure he isn't staying up too late.

[weird_cop]

"I'll be up in a minute," is all he gets when he tries that last bit. Kevin is in the middle of his flow, he can't give that up yet.

And in his defence, he definitely intends to be up in a minute.

Except then he doesn't, because he's not finished. He hasn't found anything useful yet and he's still got so much to get through.

So at some point after the final reminder his head slumps down onto the paper in front of him and he drifts into unconsciousness.

[xie_er]

Xie sends a small hum of acknowledgement in return and goes about his usual night time routine.

When he's finished with his skin care and his braids are undone and Kevin still hasn't moved from the living room, he calls out again.

"I'm going to bed now, don't stay up too late"

He doesn't want to tell him to go to bed, he's a grown man who can live with the consequences of his own bad decisions, but he figures the reminder is a good idea if Kevin has lost track of time again.

He sends a sleepy good night as he's finally drifting off - partly another reminder and partly just to say it.

When he wakes up somewhere around 4am and Kevin is still downstairs, he contemplates just going back to sleep, but he realises Kevin has fallen asleep so he stumbles groggily downstairs to gently shake him awake in order to encourage him to come up to bed.

[weird_cop]

Kevin, lost in another dream where he's walking the tunnels with the man in the paper suit, wakes with a gasp and a start, one hand reaching for the wrist of the hand being used to shake him.

He drops it a second later, blinking sleepily into Xie's face.

"Sorry. Hey."

Sentences will come in a minute.

[xie_er]

He's not surprised at the sudden waking, so he doesn't even flinch at the sudden grip on his wrist - he knew it was a risk.

"Come on" he says softly "Upstairs"

He moves aside the book that was abandoned in Kevin's lap, using a coaster to keep his place, and takes him by the hand, tugging him gently upwards.

[weird_cop]

Kevin almost tries to pull the book bac, but thinks better of it, instead letting himself be tugged up and leaning a little into Xie's bed-warmth against the cold of the living room.

"Thank you for coming for me. Sorry I made you get up."

[xie_er]

Xie waves away the apology, leading him back upstairs to the bed - he doesn't let go of his hand, and unless Kevin pulls away he keeps hold of it until they get up to the bedroom.

Then he lets go in favour of climbing back under the covers and curling up - Kevin can sort himself out from this point, his work here is done.

(He's not being mean, just sleepy)

[weird_cop]

Kevin sleepily stumbles out of his clothes and crawls in after Xie, still chasing that warmth.

He doesn't think twice - too sleepy to even think once - before scooting up next to him and curling his hand around his shoulder. And then he drifts right back into his strange dream.

[xie_er]

That does surprise him, even in his sleepy state - he doesn't start, but he does open his eyes again for a second, staring into the darkness.

A warm smile touches his lips and he relaxes into the embrace, eyes drifting closed again with a contented sigh. He doesn't have any expectations of Kevin, but he can't deny what he wants, can't deny he was already missing this. He isn't going to read into it or look for anything more, but it certainly makes it easier to drift off back to sleep.

[weird_cop]

Kevin wakes up with difficulty because of his late night, but still earlier than Xie, and again feels a little embarrassed for... he's not sure what for.

He likes Xie; despite the murder, which he doesn't understand, but because he's sweet to him and supportive and makes him laugh. And Kevin's attraction to him is undeniable and easily understood. But he doesn't feel anything that would justify holding him like this, other than wanting a comforting warm body. And he can't figure out why he feels like he's in bed with another man's lover, when that other man is him.

He lies awake trying to work out his feelings before he carefully moves away, trying not to wake Xie up.