Oh, oh, oh it's magic (Xie and Kevin)

[xie_er]

Zhao Jing used to be a nobody, born into influence and wealth but always in the shadow of those around him. In magical circles he was even worse, a barely-remembered witch that didn't have enough power for any familiar to even consider looking twice at him.

Somehow, though, after many years (and a few suspicious deaths), he's managed to climb his way to the CEO of Five Lakes, his power - of both kinds - growing exponentially.

The previous CEO was surrounded by some unfortunate rumorus before his death, so Zhao Jing has been focused on repairing the reputation of he company and solidifying his support, mundane and magical, which means it is far too delicate a moment for Xie to be in the spotlight, even if he was promised he'd be allowed to stop hiding when the position was in Zhao Jing's hands.

He just has to wait a little longer, that's all, and it's not like it's difficult to only appear in his animal form whenever Zhao Jing is in public, just uncomfortable, and the last thing they need is for somebody to recognise Xie for any of the things he's done to help his witch get where he is today, when his position is still so precarious...

He tells himself all the excuses he's heard from Yifu, repeats them in his head like a mantra as he sits through all the meetings and negotiations, a little black cat and Zhao Jing's feet, watching the men and women he's speaking to for anything Yifu can use. He hangs around when Zhao Jing steps out the room, listens to what they say behind his back - that's his job with normal people, to be a pair of ears they don't realise are there. Even paranoid types who scan for bugs would miss him, which he finds funny, privately, because he is a bug of a sort.

Not that he's allowed to take his original animal form - a scorpion would be out of place if anybody caught sight of him, and Yifu doesn't like the idea of him hiding in pockets or anything like that. He says it's dangerous, that something could happen to him, but Xie privately thinks he just finds the form creepy. Even around other magical people, the cat is preferred - his job with them is to be a reminder that Zhao Jing has a familiar, and a relatively powerful one at that.

It's hard for familiars to change the form they can take, but he did it, for Yifu.

He tells people the cat is called Scorpion, and that somebody else named him - which is technically true, Xie does mean scorpion, and his parents named him - and that he's vaguely embarrassed to have such a fiercely named cat.

(He doesn't tell magical people anything at all, they know Xie isn't a pet so they're less likely to ask, at most they will wonder why his familiar always stays in animal form. Zhao Jing just tells them he's shy. He isn't, he doesn't care about people seeing him, but it's easier to do the things Yifu wants him to do when nobody knows what he looks like)

Xie hadn't always known he was powerful - when Yifu had taken him in he'd been told he wasn't much, but that maybe he could be useful. Later, when some witch had made an offhand comment about it, the story had become that Yifu recognised his power and took him in before anybody else could steal him away, that he just wanted to protect Xie from the people who would use him for his power. Xie was already so far gone by that point that he accepted it, that he told himself he was lucky he had Yifu to protect him, to guide him.

It's funny how easy it is to lie to yourself.

When the meetings are over for the day he finally shifts back to human form, spending a few minutes stretching out the kinks that come from forcing himself into a form that isn't quite his, especially with how much he's had to do it over the last few weeks, and then going in search of something to eat. He could probably just head back to his own apartment since he doesn't think Yifu needs anything else from him, not today, but the outsiders have all left and everybody in Yifu's manor at least knows Xie, even if they don't know that Xie and Scorpion are one and the same, so it's safe to be around them.

He likes to spend as much time here as he can get away with, likes to remind Yifu he can be useful in other ways... and maybe he likes to keep an eye on this new apprentice Yifu has taken on. He doesn't understand why he needs anybody else when he has Xie, but the last time he'd questioned somebody new in the house Yifu hadn't spoken to him for a week, so he doesn't voice that thought out loud - he just watches the guy suspiciously every chance he gets, and wonders how easy he would be to get rid of.

He's halfway to the kitchen when something makes him stop. A tug of power, the vague echo of chanting, there's a ritual happening and something about it is drawing him close. He frowns, confused, and follows the pull...

Comments

[xie_er]

Xie? Xie wasn't anywhere, Xie is already in the upstairs hallway darting back into his room.

He takes a few seconds to compose himself and decide whether or not to pretend to still be playing his guitar before deciding not to, and actually if he goes downstairs now Kevin is far less likely to call him out in front of everybody and he can probably distract him before he ever gets round to it.

So he goes back downstairs like he's only just emerged to say hello and ask Kevin what the news was about his hand.

[weird_cop]

There's a weird vibe in the kitchen, which doesn't help Kevin's confusion much, but does distract him. He waits for Xie to come back down again before sharing the news.

"Looks good. Says it should be another two weeks and then it's just normal healing to get full use back."

[xie_er]

It's still two weeks too long for Xie's taste, but he gave up on that argument already so he doesn't say anything, just nods in satisfaction that doing it the slow way hasn't caused any permanent damage.

"Good."

[weird_cop]

Kevin watches Xie as he says this, wondering if that one word answer is hiding anything. Whether he means 'good' because he wants to get on with it, or 'good' because he wants to draw it out, or what.

Quill and Lisa both think it's good, anyway, and they congratulate him heartily, confirming that he's got nothing to get on with except dedicating himself to healing.

They present the grocery items they brought and he grins at the chance to really make homemade wontons - among other things.

"Maybe you can invite us all over for dinner sometime," says Quill, and Kevin readily agrees.

On the way out, Quill puts a hand on his shoulder awkwardly.

"And hey, we should figure out a safe way for us all to get a few pints of counselling," he says. "We haven't had that in a long time."

[xie_er]

The ingredients for wontons make Xie wonder if the other shoe is about to drop - what big, devastating thing is he going to need comfort for that Kevin has decided to go all out on making wontons?

It'll be a little while before it occurs to him that Kevin is just doing it because Xie likes them... and maybe because it's a new cooking thing to try, and that's a thing that he likes.

He's still lingering in the kitchen door as they leave, but he catches the offer Quill makes to Kevin and he thinks good about that, too. He grumbled and sulked about being left on his own when Kevin went to see Kexing, but for this... this he'll play nice. Kevin needs it.

[weird_cop]

Kevin lingers by the basement door, watches them leave, and then locks it, before turning around to lean against the doorframe, wondering how to raise this question.

"What were you doing when I arrived?"

Yes, deflect, that's a good plan.

[xie_er]

Damnit he thought he'd avoided that...

He hesitates for a moment, debating whether or not to lie.

Then he decides he'd rather Kevin just be disappointed about the eavesdropping than disappointed about eavesdropping and lying.

"I just didn't want to interrupt their conversation..."

So he isn't going to lie, but he doesn't have to tell the whole truth....

[weird_cop]

"Oh."

Well, that was probably the obvious answer, Kevin's not sure what he expected. He's torn, then, between asking what they were talking about and respecting their privacy at least.

He opts to take the higher ground, but not before giving Xie an exaggerated look of disapproval. Then he decides he'd better get on and get this conversation over and walks into the kitchen.

"Have you got a minute?"

[xie_er]

He's surprised that's all he gets - and slightly impressed that Kevin has the self control not to ask what they were talking about - except then it becomes immediately obvious why he wasn't pushing the matter, because he clearly has something else more pressing to talk about.

Maybe this is what the wontons are for.

"Okay..." He says cautiously, following him into the kitchen.

[weird_cop]

This is not what the wontons are for, and Kevin would be sad if he started associating them with hard conversations.

He puts the kettle on, using it as an excuse to stay by the counter rather than sitting at the table.

"Zishu had some things to say about separation," he says slowly. "About what happens to familiars when they're not bonded to a witch."

[xie_er]

It's not so much that Xie associates them with bad news, it's just that he assumes that the only reason Kevin would deliberately choose to make his favourite comfort food is because he expects Xie to need comforting.

He realises rapidly, though, that the wontons were not for this conversation because this conversation was not planned prior to Zhou Zishu opening his big stupid mouth.

He sighs.

"I've been through it before, I can deal with it. I'd been dealing with it for nearly two years before Yifu, I can do it again."

Admittedly he'd been fucking desperate for a bond at that point, and he doesn't actually believe a word he's saying, but he doesn't need to believe it, he just needs Kevin to believe it, because if Kevin decides they need to stay bonded just for Xie's sake, even though it's the last thing he wants, Xie might actually scream.

[weird_cop]

"That's not the point," Kevin says.

He can imagine, now, if Xie was two years into it, then Zishu would say he was one year away from serious trouble. He must have been desperate. No wonder he was so easy for Zhao to manipulate.

"The point is - I didn't know. I assumed you could just... go about your life, not being bonded.

"I thought it would be good for you."

[xie_er]

Xie wants to say he assumed, he never asked, but he knows that's not really fair. He didn't know to ask, and it was clear that he didn't, that's not really his fault.

"Well. It wouldn't." He shrugs "But that's my problem, not yours. Your problem is being bonded to me, so I found a way to fix it."

He sounds calm, matter of fact, which he thinks is a fucking miracle, but the last thing he wants in this moment is to break and admit all of the stupid thoughts in his stupid brain.

[weird_cop]

"Xie," Kevin says slowly, quietly.

"How poorly do you think of me that you think I'd want this for you? That I wouldn't care about you doing this to yourself?"

Is he making it about himself? Probably, but Xie is using some messed up idea of what he wants to do this horribly self destructive thing, so technically he made it about Kevin first.

[xie_er]

"I don't." Xie says simply, almost bluntly "I know you wouldn't want it for me, I know you'd care, because you wouldn't want it for anyone. That's why I didn't tell you, so you wouldn't have to feel guilty about it."

He's a little taken aback, to be honest, that Kevin thinks anybody could think that poorly of him after knowing him for even five minutes.

"I know you care." He repeats "You care so much you'd subject yourself to a bond you didn't even want in the first place, indefinitely, with a confirmed criminal who has literally threatened to murder you, just because you didn't like the alternative for them."

[weird_cop]

"So you'd let me find out later?" Kevin says.

"You'd let me watch it happen to you, or turn it up in my research and realise that you did it to get away from me, and that wouldn't be worse?"

It's not until he says it that he realises his mental image of what happens after has somehow shifted so that Xie is still in his life. Somehow.

[xie_er]

"It wouldn't be worse, because you'd be free."

He couldn't control the guilt Kevin would feel when or if he ever found out, but he could (he'd thought) stop that guilt from making him keep a bond he didn't want.

"And you wouldn't watch it happen because you'd be off living your life and I'd be in whatever prison or cell they decided to stick me in."

He couldn't count on diminished responsibility, not for sure, and he's not going to admit he'd obviously be planning to escape, but either way after all this is over he isn't going to get to see Kevin again.

He isn't entirely sure when it shifted from not having to see Kevin again to not getting to see Kevin again, but there it is.

[weird_cop]

"Yeah like I wouldn't visit you."

He shouldn't- you're not supposed to visit CHISes in prison; if he was made as a cop it would make Xie's life very bad indeed. But Xie would probably be okay.

"Xie, do you at least understand it's not been my freedom I've been worried about? That I might not like the bond, but I don't hate you?"

[xie_er]

Of course he would, wouldn't he? Because Kevin feels responsible for Xie, now, he'd want to check up on him. Because he's a good person.

"Of course I understand that." He snaps "Because you don't worry about yourself. All you do is think about other people."

He doesn't even know why he's getting angry, combative, but there's just something about this conversation that's like sandpaper dragging across his skin.

"I know you don't hate me. But you don't want me either. You didn't ask for this any more than I did. You wanted a cat."

It's not fair, to throw that at him again, not when they've already had that conversation, but Xie does it anyway. Because he isn't a good person.

[weird_cop]

Kevin stares at him.

In the gap after Xie has spoken the kettle boils - the bubbling reaches an audible peak and the steam strains against the plastic until it switches itself off with a loud click in the silent kitchen.

The gentle throb in his hands and protestation of the scar tissue tells Kevin he'd formed a fist, which he lets go of.

"Expected," he corrects, very quietly.

And then - then he isn't sure what to say. So he breathes in slowly and finally says:

"Can you at least tell me what you want?"

[xie_er]

I want you. I want you brushing my hair and cooking me dinner. I want to watch Queer Eye and play chess and snipe at each other with insults we don't mean. I want to hate sitting through a stupid football match but doing it anyway because it makes you happy. I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with me

It hits him with a force that's almost solid. He doesn't even know if he means it romantically or not, he doesn't think that even matters, but the thought comes to him unbidden and with it comes an ache that is honestly familiar, but that he's previously only associated with his need for the tiniest scrap of genuine affection from Yifu, for his attention and praise and approval.

Maybe that's what the bond does. Makes him imprint like some fucking duckling. Except it doesn't, and he knows it doesn't, he knows enough about bonds and Familiars and how it all works to know that this is just him. Maybe it's because of losing his parents and being alone for so many years, maybe it's because he spent a little too long without a bond and he really did go a bit mad, but all he really wants is to connect with someone, to belong with someone.

He should probably just be glad that at least he wants something slightly healthier, now, even if he once again wants something he can't have.

Because Kevin pushed back about the cat part, but he didn't deny that he didn't want Xie.

It's a long, long moment before he finally answers, before he can trust himself to not let the truth come spilling out the moment he opens his mouth.

"I want to be bonded to someone who actually wants me. Not because I'm powerful, not because it's the right thing to do and they're stuck with it, but because they actually want a bond with me." He says tiredly. It is closer to the truth than he'd like, but he knows Kevin isn't going to stop pushing if he tries to sidestep it entirely

[weird_cop]

Kevin lets go of a breath slowly.

It's really not an unreasonable thing to want, and he hates himself for not being able to provide it, not because he doesn't want Xie...

...that was a thought he wasn't expecting, and he immediately stamps on it, but not before realising that he does, in fact want to want Xie. Wants to be able to provide those things. Wants this whatever this is, to be real.

"Okay," he says. "So maybe... maybe we should put a pin in breaking the bond for now, because if you do that, you'll never find the right person."

[xie_er]

He's never going to find the right person anyway. Where the fuck is he going to find someone like that? Prison? But of course Kevin says let's not break the bond, of course he does.

Xie almost wants to laugh. Wants to say I told you so.

Instead he takes a breath and smiles. It's the same soft, accommodating smile he used to give Yifu when he was at his most irritatingly patronising. He inclines his head and pours every inch of syrupy, agreeable geniality he is capable of into his tone.

"Your wish is my command, master."

[weird_cop]

Kevin reacts like he's been hit in the face. He reels back under the force of the word and for an instant he freezes in shock.

His hand screams in protest as he forms a fist and for a moment he's not sure if he can control himself, if he can stop himself launching across the kitchen at Xie.

But he does. He has that much control.

He turns and leaves the kitchen, heading down into the basement.

[xie_er]

Even before he sees it, Xie knows the effect that's going to have on him. Between outright statements and hints here and there, it's clear where Kevin's discomfort with the bond lies, and even seeing the much healthier example of Kexing and Zishu doesn't seem to have soothed much of that discomfort.

When the words are out, though, he genuinely isn't sure exactly how it's going to play out. Is he going to get angry? Yell? Hit him? Is he going to be hurt? Wounded as sure as if Xie had picked up a knife?

It seems for a moment as though the answer is both. He sees the shock, sees the way his hand clenches, tenses for an attack... and then he just leaves. And Xie watches him go.

Maybe Tony was right. Maybe Kevin is the frog.

But Xie's the fucking idiot drowning himself because he can't keep from lashing out.

He stays exactly where he is for a long, long moment. Then he leaves as well, going upstairs - mostly because his room is the only space that feels like his own, but it doesn't hurt that it's the furthest possible distance he can put between him and Kevin while they're both still stuck here.