Oh, oh, oh it's magic (Xie and Kevin)

[xie_er]

Zhao Jing used to be a nobody, born into influence and wealth but always in the shadow of those around him. In magical circles he was even worse, a barely-remembered witch that didn't have enough power for any familiar to even consider looking twice at him.

Somehow, though, after many years (and a few suspicious deaths), he's managed to climb his way to the CEO of Five Lakes, his power - of both kinds - growing exponentially.

The previous CEO was surrounded by some unfortunate rumorus before his death, so Zhao Jing has been focused on repairing the reputation of he company and solidifying his support, mundane and magical, which means it is far too delicate a moment for Xie to be in the spotlight, even if he was promised he'd be allowed to stop hiding when the position was in Zhao Jing's hands.

He just has to wait a little longer, that's all, and it's not like it's difficult to only appear in his animal form whenever Zhao Jing is in public, just uncomfortable, and the last thing they need is for somebody to recognise Xie for any of the things he's done to help his witch get where he is today, when his position is still so precarious...

He tells himself all the excuses he's heard from Yifu, repeats them in his head like a mantra as he sits through all the meetings and negotiations, a little black cat and Zhao Jing's feet, watching the men and women he's speaking to for anything Yifu can use. He hangs around when Zhao Jing steps out the room, listens to what they say behind his back - that's his job with normal people, to be a pair of ears they don't realise are there. Even paranoid types who scan for bugs would miss him, which he finds funny, privately, because he is a bug of a sort.

Not that he's allowed to take his original animal form - a scorpion would be out of place if anybody caught sight of him, and Yifu doesn't like the idea of him hiding in pockets or anything like that. He says it's dangerous, that something could happen to him, but Xie privately thinks he just finds the form creepy. Even around other magical people, the cat is preferred - his job with them is to be a reminder that Zhao Jing has a familiar, and a relatively powerful one at that.

It's hard for familiars to change the form they can take, but he did it, for Yifu.

He tells people the cat is called Scorpion, and that somebody else named him - which is technically true, Xie does mean scorpion, and his parents named him - and that he's vaguely embarrassed to have such a fiercely named cat.

(He doesn't tell magical people anything at all, they know Xie isn't a pet so they're less likely to ask, at most they will wonder why his familiar always stays in animal form. Zhao Jing just tells them he's shy. He isn't, he doesn't care about people seeing him, but it's easier to do the things Yifu wants him to do when nobody knows what he looks like)

Xie hadn't always known he was powerful - when Yifu had taken him in he'd been told he wasn't much, but that maybe he could be useful. Later, when some witch had made an offhand comment about it, the story had become that Yifu recognised his power and took him in before anybody else could steal him away, that he just wanted to protect Xie from the people who would use him for his power. Xie was already so far gone by that point that he accepted it, that he told himself he was lucky he had Yifu to protect him, to guide him.

It's funny how easy it is to lie to yourself.

When the meetings are over for the day he finally shifts back to human form, spending a few minutes stretching out the kinks that come from forcing himself into a form that isn't quite his, especially with how much he's had to do it over the last few weeks, and then going in search of something to eat. He could probably just head back to his own apartment since he doesn't think Yifu needs anything else from him, not today, but the outsiders have all left and everybody in Yifu's manor at least knows Xie, even if they don't know that Xie and Scorpion are one and the same, so it's safe to be around them.

He likes to spend as much time here as he can get away with, likes to remind Yifu he can be useful in other ways... and maybe he likes to keep an eye on this new apprentice Yifu has taken on. He doesn't understand why he needs anybody else when he has Xie, but the last time he'd questioned somebody new in the house Yifu hadn't spoken to him for a week, so he doesn't voice that thought out loud - he just watches the guy suspiciously every chance he gets, and wonders how easy he would be to get rid of.

He's halfway to the kitchen when something makes him stop. A tug of power, the vague echo of chanting, there's a ritual happening and something about it is drawing him close. He frowns, confused, and follows the pull...

Comments

[xie_er]

Xie just stares at him, because - what?

Diminished responsibility? Like they can at least partially blame Yifu for everything he's done? How much difference would that make, he wonders...

It's irritating, because all this talk of being taken advantage of and consent feels so... patronising? Belittling? Like he's just some naive child who can't make his own decisions. Like his choices don't matter because they aren't really his. Just sit down, Xie-er, don't worry your pretty little head about it, we'll decide what's best for you...

Isn't that familiar?

But if the courts can argue that, can believe it, that 'lock him in a cell and throw away the key' future he'd feared might not be quite so set in stone...

"If they did that... if they argued that I was... whatever," he waves a hand "that would make it worse for Yifu, though, wouldn't it?"

[weird_cop]

"Things are pretty bad for him anyway," Tony says, indifferently.

"Not that you should care what happens to that asshole."

[xie_er]

"But I do, though." Xie says, a little frustrated, a little helpless "I know what you all think of him, I know he...."

He shakes his head.

"Even with everything he's done... I owe him so much. I wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for him."

Maybe it's not strictly true, but Xie was losing it on his own, slowly but surely, it had only been a matter of time. Maybe some other witch would have found him, used him for his power, but Yifu was far from his worst option there - at least, that's what he's always told himself.

[weird_cop]

"You wouldn't be al..."

Tony stops himself.

"You do know what you sound like, right? We've all done uniform beats we've heard these lines all before."

[xie_er]

Xie assumes he's just echoing his words, like he can't believe what he's hearing, but even if he had thought he was saying something else he's distracted by Tony's next words. He frowns.

"What are you talking about?" He challenges "What do I sound like?"

[weird_cop]

Tony rolls his eyes.

"Oh, but Ronnie doesn't mean to hurt me," he says in a light falsetto. Its not meant to be homophobic - he's mimicking a certain kind of woman. "He loves me, you don't understand. I just make him so angry, sometimes.

"Then it's make up over the black eyes."

[xie_er]

Xie's jaw sets and his eyes blaze with fury.

He's angry to be compared to the stereotype of a helpless, battered woman because nobody wants to think of themselves as being that kind of person.

He's more angry because it's truer than he really wants to admit. Right down to the makeup.

His hand twitches for a knife and even though he doesn't have one he's already moving, launching himself towards Tony only to stumble before he even gets there, almost blacking out for a second at the sudden lancing pain from his shoulder the movement triggered. He has to brace himself on the kitchen table with his good arm, gritting his teeth until the worst of it subsides.

[weird_cop]

Tony had a feeling he was asking for it. The expression on Xie's face is just enough warning and he jerks back, out of the way.

Still, he realises that the injury saved him, and has the good sense to neither carry on nor to step forward and see to him. He just stands patiently, unrepentant.

But Kevin and Lisa enter just as Xie is bracing himself at the table, and Kevin's first reaction is to stride far enough into the room to get between them, closest to Xie, facing the DS.

"What did you do, Tony?"

Tony shrugs.

[xie_er]

Xie wants to say, wants to tell them, but he just.. can't. For one thing, he's not going to go running to tell like a child in a playground tattling on the bully, but also what would he even say? He accused me of acting like a domestic violence victim and I tried to kill him because he was right?

He hates the idea that he sounds like that. Hates that he can hear it, too, and that once the idea is in your head every attempt to dismiss it just plays directly into the stereotype. Oh, Yifu isn't like that, he only hit me once, he loves me really, I owe him everything...

He wishes he could blame them, all of them, for poisoning his mind against Yifu, for making him think these things, but those doubts have been creeping in for so long. He just... never blamed Yifu for them, before. It was him. If he was better, stronger, more useful. If he just waited a little longer, tried a little harder, did a little more...

"It doesn't matter." Xie says in a low voice. Resists the almost overpowering urge to reach out to Kevin. He's just standing there because he pities him. Because he thinks the same as Tony he's just nicer about it. He doesn't actually care.

"It doesn't matter." He repeats "Just keep him the fuck away from me."

The pain has finally subsided so he moves towards the door. He should go change the dressing and check he hasn't done any more damage anyway.

[weird_cop]

Lisa moves aside to let Xie pass, shooting him a look that's less concern and more can I help? even though she knows the answer.

Kevin moves as he leaves, but only to make sure he's between them, still staring angrily at Tony, who now rubs his forehead.

"I'm sorry, Kev."

"Get downstairs, Sarge," Kevin says steadily. "I don't want to see you up here for a while, okay?"

He's torn now, between going after Xie and going downstairs, but eventually decides to do his job.

"I have to do this meeting," he tells Xie as he goes. "I'll be upstairs to make lunch."

[xie_er]

Xie doesn't reply. He doesn't care, Kevin doesn't need to tell him anything, in fact this would probably be easier if be stopped being so kind, treated him like the suspect he was instead of... whatever this was.

Are they really so much better than Yifu? They still think they know better than him. They still make decisions for him. Tony fucking apologised to Kevin for what just happened. Maybe they should get off their fucking high horses...

He goes to the bathroom, checks over his wound as best he can - it's bleeding again, a little, but he's not worsened the damage much he thinks. He redresses it and goes back upstairs, manages to - thankfully - find the clothes that have been left for him and then locates the shower. With a little care he manages to wash the rest of the blood off without getting the dressing wet or hurting himself too much... except for his hair.

There's blood, in his hair, not much but it was hard to avoid happening, and there's really no way to wash it out that doesn't involve too much movement that would be painful without getting the dressing wet. He is, he realises, either going to need help or just... not wash it. He can undo the braids with one hand and brush it, but then what? He can't redo the braids with one hand, he can barely do any styling with one hand. He either leaves the braids as they are until he can comfortably lift his bad arm, or he leaves his hair loose... until he can comfortably lift his bad arm.

He doesn't like either option.

He gets some boxers and jeans on once he's dry, thinks about a tshirt and decides his shoulder aches enough, and then just drops (carefully) onto the bed again, already exhausted.

[weird_cop]

There is a lot of debrief. Kevin has to describe the attack in detail, report on his consultation with Kexing and explain his approach from now.

"These people are good," he says, "and I'm okay but I couldn't hold my own. I'm going to need to get much better quickly if I'm going to be able to lay a hand on any of them."

As well as healing and replenishing, he's going to have to work on expanding his power reserves as well: something he's not sure about but he can try.

He's going to need to make sacrifice, he knows.

Tony relates the events of this morning and Kevin lays into him - you don't just tell people that - and things get a bit heated. At one point Tony yells about Kevin not telling his man anything, and Quill has to pull Kevin off him. Lofthouse ends the meeting.

Cooking isn't easy - ambidexterity helps but doesn't solve many problems - and when Kevin finally has a Welsh rarebit he brings Xie's up to his room, knocking very gently on the door.

"Can I come in?"

[xie_er]

Xie is dozing slightly when he hears the sound of raised voices from downstairs. He's too far away to hear exactly what they're saying but he does feel a sort of smug satisfaction that they're arguing and he probably caused it. It's petty as hell but what else has he got going on right now?

He's still half asleep when the knock comes and he mumbles something incomprehensible in response, until it registers what's going on and he blinks awake.

"What? Oh. Yea, come in."

Very carefully, he pushes himself up into a sitting position. He doesn't bother trying to cover himself, he's got jeans on and Kevin's seen him shirtless before, there's no sense in modesty. It's too much effort anyway.

[weird_cop]

When he pushes the door open, Kevin can't help checking that the necklace hasn't returned - Kevin's not sure he'll trust Xie on that for a while.

Then he brings in the plate and sets it down on the bedside table.

"If you let it cool a bit it should be easier to eat with one hand," he says, and then hesitates awkwardly before sitting halfway down the bed.

"How's the shoulder?"

[xie_er]

It actually hasn't - it's still sitting on top of the dresser where he left it yesterday. He tells himself it's because it's too much effort to get back on, but in reality the guilt of the situation is weighing on him and he isn't sure how to handle it, so he's trying to ignore it.

He nods, slightly, half expecting Kevin to just leave again but not entirely surprised when he sits.

"Sore, but no more than expected." He says simply, hesitating a moment before glancing at Kevin's hand.

"Did you do the meditation today?"

[weird_cop]

He nods, turning his hand over to show Xie the back and front, the very limited way the fingers flex. There's probably nothing visible, but he felt a difference when he did it.

"Healing in the morning, I'll replenish after lunch, and then I've got some other things to try, so I'm a bit less helpless next time."

What Tony has not told Kevin is how Xie feels about him using his power. Kev still thinks that's taken as read.

[xie_er]

Xie just rolls his eyes but doesn't comment. What's the point? He's tried to tell him half a dozen times to just use the power available to him, but he's clearly not going to change his mind.

Tony may not have said anything to Kevin about it, but the argument at least cleared up Xie's misconceptions about Kevin's problem with using his power.

Sort of.

He's stopped thinking that the issue is that it's Xie's power specifically, but his interpretation of Kevin's thinking is still a little twisted. He knows Kevin doesn't want to 'take advantage', but he isn't sure if that's from some patronising morality or just because he doesn't want to get in trouble for doing it. He has held on to the idea that Kevin thinks he can't possibly give his consent because the bond itself was forced, so he should probably just give up trying to tell him to do it.

He's also pretty sure there isn't going to be a 'next time', because he can't imagine they're letting him outside of these wards any time soon, even with the chip removed.

"I thought I'd wait until you're healed, to start the ritual to remove the bond. It takes some time to complete but it can take some of your power when it happens, we shouldn't risk that when you're still healing."

[weird_cop]

Kevin nods faintly.

"I read it," he says. Of course he had really, he's the only one with the knowledge to really parse it.

He almost says 'are you sure?' But knows (wrongly) that being free is better than being bonded to either him or Zhao.

"You should wait until you're healed as well. It's going to take a lot out of you."

And he can't help. And that knowledge frustrates him on its own. He doesn't realise that if he feels useless and impotent, it must be worse for Xie.

[xie_er]

Privately, Xie thinks him being healed or not won't really make a difference, it's going to be torture either way. It's probably better, though, if he's stronger when he starts his body will be able to handle it a little better, there's not a risk of it actually killing him.

A tiny, horrible part of him wonders if it would be better if it did, but that's not a very strong part - for all his issues and uncertainties, for all the dread he has about the ritual succeeding, his drive for survival is stronger.

"Once we're both healed, then." He nods

[weird_cop]

"I'm sorry you have to wait that long," Kevin says, still operating under the assumption that Xie wants out.

"Though I guess it'll give me time to improve my chess game."

It's a feeble attempt at a joke, because he has to broach a subject that he doesn't want to.

"Xie," he starts seriously. "I have to ask you about this morning."

[xie_er]

Xie nods - he's sorry too, in a way. As much as he doesn't really want to do it and kind of wants to put it off, another part of him can't stand the anticipation and just wants it over with.

He snorts slightly at the comment about chess and actually starts to relax a little - until that serious tone brings all the tension he was feeling right back.

"What's there to ask about?" He says dismissively

[weird_cop]

"I've never seen you act out of rage like that before," Kevin explains as a preamble. "I'm not surprised it was Costain who brought it on - he's an asshole who gets rises out of people without even trying sometimes. But he pisses me off, and he gets a cracked rib and a bruised face.

"How badly would you have hurt him, if your shoulder hadn't stopped you?"

Xie threatens to kill people all the time - threatens. Zhao used to call him impulsive, violent, but he still always had control. Kevin's more worried about how reliable that control actually is.

[xie_er]

No, Xie thinks you haven't. He always held himself in check before, when somebody pissed him off too badly he'd usually just fantasise about killing them rather than actually doing it. If he ever lost his composure it was never anywhere Yifu could see, because Xie couldn't stand it when he took that concerned, fatherly tone and talked about him controlling his impulses and being less reckless.

He'd spent so many years trying to reign in his temper, because how badly would it reflect upon Yifu if he was still just a thug? Just an uncivilised barbarian...

Maybe Yifu is right, if he still can't do it after all this time.

He considers the question, though.

"Not that badly, I didn't even have a weapon." He's not a brawler, he would have got a few hits in, maybe got his hands around Tony's throat, but it wouldn't have lasted very long before somebody stopped him, or before he got control of himself.

He sighs.

"I might have wanted to kill him, but my shoulder wasn't the only thing stopping me." He says, hoping that makes sense - the lack of weapon, the sheer stupidity of the action, everything Yifu drilled into him about self-control, the presence of other people, there were a dozen factors that limited the damage he would have done. He didn't even really hate Costain enough to want to actually kill him, although in that moment it had been close...

[weird_cop]

Kevin thinks about this for a second.

"Okay," he says.

He wanted to have this discussion without judgement, a serious talk about if you are going to be a threat how can we mitigate it? and he hopes that he's managed it as best as he can. He'll trust Xie - for now - because he wants to.

"I don't blame you for wanting to, anyway. You won't see him again until he's ready to apologise. And then only if you want to."

[xie_er]

As uncomfortable as the conversation is, he can understand the need to ascertain if the dangerous criminal is going to need watching more closely, even though he's had access to kitchen knives this whole time and the only person he's injured with one is himself. He is, however, a little surprised he isn't getting a lecture, a tedious monologue about self control peppered with the threats of what they would have to do if he couldn't behave. It was just.. a conversation. A check in.

It's weird to be treated like a fucking adult after all those 'diminished responsibility' conversations. He almost wishes they'd just make up their mind.

And then... and then Kevin says he doesn't blame him. That Tony needs to apologise. That, essentially, the fight wasn't his fault.

He could, he suppose, put it down to another 'poor little Xie-er just can't help himself' but it doesn't feel like that. It feels like Kevin is acknowledging that Tony made a dick move and Xie was justified in being angry about it. He wasn't overreacting or getting carried away or whatever else Yifu would say to downplay his feelings, he just... reacted, to someone being a dick, like anybody would.

It feels good, which is probably stupid, but it does.

"Thank you." He says after a moment, and he tries for casual but there's something a lot more genuine in it that he just can't quite hide.

He covers it up by sniffing disdainfully turning his nose up.

"Maybe I'll never want to. Maybe I'll make him stay in the basement whenever he's here until this is all over with."