It's all coming back to me now (Spot and Bucky)

[brooklynishere]

When the Hydra facility had been raided, the last thing anybody expected to find was a 16 year old kid on ice, and yet there he'd been. Steve had been the one to stop the Hydra scientist from shutting down the life support, but they hadn't got there in time to prevent the destruction of a good half the facility's records - including the ones about who the kid was or why he was there.

So what choice did they have but to wake him up and find out?

He was uncooperative at first, refused to give them any details other than the name 'Spot' and kept threatening to fight anybody that came close, though they managed to work out pretty easily that he was from Brooklyn and he'd been on the ice almost as long as Steve had. It's when he overhears a comment about Bucky that he seems to change his tune.

"Bucky Barnes?" he asks, and while he still seems wary, for the first time since he woke up he says something actually helpful "I'll talk to him. Tell him the name's Sean Conlon."

Comments

[not_a_commie]

"Of course I did." He says with a shit-eating grin, "She is your mother." He laughs, as they are taken to a table quickly. "Parents need to keep each other informed..."

"No matter how odd the situation is." Molly laughs as they sit down.

"What are you talking about we're perfectly normal," Bucky says lips twitching.

[brooklynishere]

"Yea..." Spot says quietly, letting the joking wash over him as they sit down. She is his mother, and Bucky's been talking to her, telling her all about what he's been getting up to.

But not telling him about her.

It was probably his mother's idea not to say anything, he suspects, she liked not telling him things.

"How's Annie?"

[not_a_commie]

"She's good, she's at home, enjoying a day off." She smiles reaching out and putting her hand on Spot's, "This is her place." She says looking around, "She worked really hard." She pulls her hand back and gives Spot an apologetic "look, I should have talked to you sooner, I know, but I thought you needed time to adjust." She shakes her head.

"So go ahead, ask us anything you want." She says looking a Bucky.

"Yep kid, anything." He nods as someone brings the drinks to the table and leaves menus for them to look over.

[brooklynishere]

"It's fine." Spot says shortly "What's the point. You'll decide when I need to know something, or maybe you won't, whatever, it's not up to me."

He scowls down at his menu, trying to sort through the feelings bubbling up inside of him. He's glad his mother is alive, and okay, and happy, he really is, but there's a lot of conflict - she's so much older now, it's almost scary, and Spot likes being scared about as much as he likes being worried, and that always ends in anger. She's still, to his mind, trying to control how much he knows about everything, not letting him make his own decisions, treating him like a little kid. He knows what it must be like for her, to see him again after all this time, but he can't stop himself being like this.

[not_a_commie]

Bucky frowns a little but doesn't say anything the kid is angry he gets it he'd be pissed too, he was angry a lot when he first woke up, he had so many holes in his memory, along with a lot of other complicated feelings.

But lets the silence drag on it's something he's good at, it helps him do his job well. Letting Spot cool down a little. Molly seems to understand what Bucky is doing, but she breaks the silence first.

"Sean. How would you have felt back in July when you woke up seeing me like this?" She asks honestly. "Have Bucky or Steve ever lied to you? Did I ever lie to you?" She adds, her voice is kind and soft, "When we said you could ask us whatever you want we meant it."

"We did, and it's okay you're angry, we didn't know how to handle it, kind of just winged it when Steve and I came out of the ice, but we learned from that, and didn't want to push you so fast," Bucky says scrubbing a metal hand down his face.

"He's right," Molly nods, "And you can come see me whenever you want, call me whenever you want."

[brooklynishere]

"Ma, you ain't getting it, you never did." Spot says angrily, fighting to keep his voice down. He doesn't want to make a scene. "It's not about lying, it's... you don't tell me things. You just decide that I don't need to know or I can't handle it or I... I don't know what, but you decide. You can't just let me make my own decision about this stuff."

He's not just talking about her still being alive, though that's the biggest thing that's bothering him at the moment, she'd always been less open with him, including about her relationship with Annie, about a hundred little things. Mother knew best, always. Spot knew she was right, sometimes, but not every time, and even when she was right it always stung to think she didn't trust him.

[not_a_commie]

"You were 15 you're still 15." She points out, "You were cutting school, getting in trouble, if I told you anything or audited anything, and you let it slip on accident because I know you never would, they would take you away from me, they would put you in a home. You got damn close to that running around like you did." She says looking hurt. "And you never asked you just did, you just assumed, you just left whenever you wanted too." She frowns.

"Was I perfect no, but was your life safe, was Annie's life safe, if we were 100% honest, about everything back then? No, and it was horrible, we loved we still love you."

Bucky takes a breath he's gotta let them have it out.

"I didn't want you in a home, and I didn't want to be in an insane asylum, everything else I was honest with you about." She shakes her head.

[brooklynishere]

"I get it, ma, I do, you think I wasn't fuckin' terrified when I realised I was gay?" it's a rhetorical question, he knows both his parents understand that fear well enough "I wanted to talk to you... I needed somebody... but I couldn't, I couldn't say anything because you never said anything. I figured it out, of course I did, but you never said an' I thought... well what if I'm wrong, what if I'm wrong and she..." he trails off.

"I know I didn't make it easy..." he admits, staring down at his menu "but you never trusted me and it hurt."

[not_a_commie]

"I did and do trust you." She said, "But I had to be the adult, I had to protect our family." She says voice apologetic and soft. "I was there, maybe I should have been there more, but you didn't talk to me you just kept running off, never told me where you were going, when you'd be back." She adjusts her glasses, "I had to convince the cops you didn't just run away, because of how many times you had taken off before." She sighs, "I trusted you, you just never came to me, too busy being angry at the world." she pauses, "But what 15-year-old isn't angry at the world." She gives a soft smile. "It's a two-way street though."

Bucky sighs, "Look the way I look at it is things have fucking changed a lot, some mistakes were made, but that can be worked out. You found her again. Think about how you're responding right now Spot, what would have happened a few months ago?" Bucky points out squeezing Sean's shoulder. "You're allowed to be angry, but you're punching at your mom, instead of the red room." He pauses, "Yeah you're our kid, and she raised you, did a good job too... but even kids back then had no probably outing their parents, you were both protecting yourselves... now both of you stop being assholes."

[brooklynishere]

Spot starts then, at the mention of the cops, and for a second he just kind of stares at his mom.

He still feels like his anger is justified, like she can say she trusted him all she likes but he never saw proof - and Spot has always preferred proof over words - but it's like all the wind's just been knocked out of his sails, because he's reminded what she had to go through.

He disappeared. He was taken by Hydra and he just vanished off the face of the Earth without a trace, he knows they never found out what happened to him because he's been told as much, they'd been surprised to find him in that Hydra facility.

And his mother... his mother had to deal with not knowing if Spot had just run off again and was coming home or if he was dead in a ditch somewhere. Had to convince the cops that she wasn't the boy who cried wolf. And then she had to live with that for 75 years.

Bucky's words wash over him and he looks down, quieter now.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, ma... I'm sorry..."

[not_a_commie]

"You don't have to apologize, Sean." She says, "It's a lot." She shrugs, there is quiet over the table while they order, things rebalancing with all that was aired out. After a few minutes, Molly looks at Spot lips finally twitching. "So Peter?" She asks arching a brow.

"Hmm yes, you should tell you, mom, all about Peter," Bucky smirks.

[brooklynishere]

It feels really, really weird to talk to his mom about a boy, but he knows she's asking to try and smooth out some more of this tension and he has to give her something because he desperately wants this to be okay.

"He's just a boy I like," he says awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck "We went on a date last night and.. it... didn't go as well as I woulda hoped."

[not_a_commie]

"I'm sure it went better than you think." She smiles, "Your dad and Steve didn't get their shit together until Steve stole a motorcycle and rode halfway across Germany because someone told him Bucky died... and 'Bucky wouldn't do that.'" She rolls her eyes but there is a smile there. "Took them forever."

"He does that..." Bucky rubs the back of his neck. "Look we were pretty dumb when it came to each other."

"Still are," Molly smiles as the food comes. "If you are going out with him again, then it went fine, are you going out with him again?"

[brooklynishere]

"Yea," Spot nods "We're gonna hang out and get takeout and play video games next week...." at least that was he plan they'd made last night before he fell asleep, he hadn't actually had chance to confirm that with Bucky yet.

He looks down, thinking about how his mom had been with Annie all this time, how Steve and Bucky crossed continents and time and death, practically, to be together. It wasn't fair. He knows it's nobody's fault - except Hydra's - but it still stings that they got their happy endings, their great love stories, and Spot... well okay, he's still young, and maybe Peter will be that for him, or maybe he won't, maybe his great love story is still waiting for him.

But all he can think about is losing Race.

"You and pop are still pretty dumb." he says, forcing the thoughts away.

[not_a_commie]

"I've fine, Steve took all the stupid with him last night." Bucky shrugs taking a bite out of his burger. He gives Spot a look he can see the expression on his face, they'll talk later though.

"I have something for you." Molly says pulling an old shoebox out of her bag. "This one sent you letters when you were a baby, talking to you not me, we'll sometimes me. Wrote a bunch before he shipped out too."

Bucky rubs the back of his neck, some color coming to cheeks, "You hung on to those." He laughs a little.

"Yes." She says like Bucky's an idiot. "Wrote one for every year until you were 18." She smiles, "Maybe a few more, he wrote a lot until things got bad over there. The photos I have of you, there are more at my apartment." She smiles, "But this one," she opens the box, and pulls out a photo of Her, Annie, Bucky, and Steve, Molly looks about 4 months pregnant. "This one is one of my favorites, only one of all five of us."

Bucky mouths thank you to her, "You'll have to get frames for some of these." He smiles.

[brooklynishere]

Spot's eyes widen to hear that Bucky wrote to him, he dimly remembers some letters from when he was younger, but he guesses his mom must have kept most of them until he was old enough to read them - and then he'd disappeared. He can't wait to get his hands on the box and go through it, but it's the mention of photos that catches his attention.

He reaches out with a shaking hand to take the photo she's pulled out, staring down at it. He nods vaguely at Bucky's comment about frames. He agrees. He wants to frame all of them, cover his walls with pictures.

"Thank you.." he says quietly, tucking the photo carefully back into the box. Then rummaging in his bag to pull out his new camera.

"We can get some new ones, too..."

[not_a_commie]

Molly smiles at the camera, "That is a wonderful idea," she nods yanking on Bucky's metal arm to try and drag him closer. The assassin rolls his eyes and slides his chair closer giving that smile that very few people outside his inner circle see, as Molly adjusts her ridiculously large brightly colored jewelry, and glasses.

She looks at Bucky, "Did you pick back up your camera yet, now that your back?" She asks to befoe Spot can take the photo. "No," he shrugs "Haven't had time or been in the mood lately." He shrugs looking back to Spot and smiling again.

Molly looks at Sean, "Sean, get on his case about it." She smirks. "He took a lot of those, the ones before he shipped out." She smirks and Bucky huffs.

[brooklynishere]

Spot snaps a few pictures of them, both when they're actually posing and when they aren't, occasionally glancing at the little screen and fiddling with some of the settings in between, playing around to find things he's happy with.

He looks up in surprise at the conversation. He's seen some of Bucky's pictures, the ones he showed him the night he'd been upset about Race, but he never realised it was such a big deal for him, at least not the way his mom was making it out to be.

He clutches his own camera a little tighter, feeling a sort of connection that he hadn't even realised was there.

"I didn't realise you liked photography, too..."

[not_a_commie]

"It was a different life." He says honestly, "It was my plan before, before everything." He laughs a little shaking his head.

"Steve's been on him about it too." Molly says ratting Bucky out totally, "Got him a lovely film camera for his birthday." She says giving Bucky a side-eye far to much like Steve does when the man is being too hard on himself, about enjoying things.

"Trying to stir stuff up?" Bucky laughs rubbing the back of his neck.

"Always." Molly smiles.

"Here let me get a picture of you two." He says holding a metal hand out for the camera.

[brooklynishere]

Spot's already kind of wondering how they could share this, if they could maybe go out to take pictures together, around Brooklyn or something, though he's uncertain about saying it out loud just now.

He hands over the camera though, shifting closer to his mom.

[not_a_commie]

Bucky gets a few shots, one of which Molly is holding bunny ears up behind Spot's head. The rest of the lunch is pretty, nice he understands Spot's moods he really does, and the kid has gotten a lot better since early July.

Molly gives Spot her number and address and tells him he can come over whenever he wants as long as she or Annie is home, or about to be home. She'll get him a copy of the key.

They start the walk back to the car. "You okay?"

[brooklynishere]

Spot hugs his mom goodbye at the end of the lunch and walks back to the car carrying the box of letters and photos like it's something precious - which it is, to him.

"I guess." he says quietly, clearly pensive "Just... a lot to think about. I guess it was... heavier than I was expecting."

[not_a_commie]

"Of course it's heavy." Bucky says, and he's being serious, "It's weird, you're between to times right now, your gonna feel off-kilter sometimes, and that's okay." He says letting out a slow breath, "I remember before the trial when everyone who was left came to see me in jail before Matt got me bail." He pauses, "Then going out for drinks after, I kept having flashbacks to this bar in Germany..." He scrubs a hand down his face. "It gets easier and better." He's being truthful about that, just gotta work on enjoying the memory of your life, and find a groove for your new life.

He looks at his phone it's only 2, "You wanna go mess with your camera at the zoo?" he asks, maybe give the kid a chance to think and have fun. "Bit of a walk across the park, but it's a nice day for September." He laughs.

[brooklynishere]

Spot appreciates when Bucky shares things like that, it makes him feel a little less alone for being so lost about all of this. It's so strange, that weird longing for the life you used to have, knowing that you'll never get it back, that there are people and things that are lost forever. He supposes it's the same for a lot of people, just maybe not to the same extent, there'll always be things in the past that are lost.

He breathes out a sigh and nods. A good distraction sounds like an excellent idea right now.

"Yea," he agrees "Yea I think I do."

[not_a_commie]

They walk to the zoo through the park, Bucky is quiet letting Spot think while they do. It's the last serge of summer, perfect weather, not ungodly hot like it is in July and August, but that late September weather where you can feel mother nature waiting to snap her fingers, making the leaves fall from the tree and the chill to come into the air.

Bucky pays their way into the zoo, and it's a little busy, but not crowded enough for Spot not to be able to use his camera, given Bucky's past he has mixed feelings on zoos, he'd rather go to a reserve but hey they live in New York City.

"What do you want to look at first?" He asks while putting his wallet away, though he's eyeing the cotton candy, with his eternal sweet tooth.